Thursday, June 2, 2011
Serial Blog Abandoner
Monday, January 24, 2011
You Know You're In Texas When...
11. You measure driving distance in time rather than miles...
10. You're driving on the interstate and the speed limit is 70 mph, you're in the fast lane driving 80, and people are passing you IN THE SLOW LANE. (AKA: Stay off the road - there are no speed limits.)
9. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
8. You're only ever offered 5 seasonings: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, Tabasco, and ketchup.
7. Every soda is called "Coke", regardless brand, flavour or colour.
6. You see more Texan flags than American.
5. You can make a U-turn ANYWHERE you want... regardless what the signs say.
4. The newschannel lists "church closures" on a snow day.
3. You use "fix" as a verb. And, "y'all" to indicate the singular. (The plural is apparently "all y'all".)
2. Texas has two political leanings: Conservative and Austin
1. The homeless people have bilingual signs.
I've also heard something about heat but haven't experienced it myself yet...
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Day 5: An Anthropological Study at Starbucks in Odessa.
I had many an opportunity to view the idiosyncratic religious expressions of various cities over the course of my trip; but the most interesting religious artifact by far, was observed in El Paso, Tx.... a typical, yellow diamond shaped street sign with the word "Church" printed in black letters, apparently announcing to drivers' the stated purpose of an architecturally prominent building across the street from it. I s'pose we are in "G-d's Country" now, but seriously? The steeple and stained glass weren't enough?
If I remember correctly, once I made it out of El Paso proper, it was a lot of nothing. Acres and acres of dead grass, hard earth and periodic sightings of freight trains. However, once the sun started to set, the vast flatness of the earth before me only enhanced the seemingly endless array of pink and purple light refracting off of and through clouds and unseen particles in the sky. Pretty majestic, to be honest, once I forgot about the uninterrupted wasteland that surrounded me.
'Twas over 11 hours to get from El Paso to Dallas and I made a total of probably 5 stops, mainly at Starbucks for periodic caffeine/sugar surges to keep me functional. One such stop was in the "blink and you'll miss it" town of Odessa. A far cry from it's namesake, it can only be described as strange and unfamiliar, at least to my urban sensibilities. I marveled at the rolling madness that unfolded around me inside the Starbucks. 'If only Howard Schultz could see this now,' I thought. Empty milk jugs and boxes littered the immediate area under the espresso machines and near the base of back counters, coffee making utensils strewn about the bar which needed a good wipe down. There were 4 or 5 baristas in the work area, and yet only one seemed to concern herself with actually making some of the 5 drinks ahead of my own. The others stood around, occasionally looking as if they might be tidying though the waste bin overflowed with paper-towels and other rubbish, and everyone talked, almost as if we were all in someone's kitchen rather than a coffee shop. They spoke in turn, and over one another about the high school football team, someone's estranged grandma, and their diets. I'm not sure if it's appropriate or not at this point to mention that they were all, clearly, well fed. Feeling the curious anthropologist, observing a newly discovered species, wishing I had the nerve to pull out my camera and start recording. I felt, at once morbidly fascinated, and yet fearful of making any sudden movements lest they eat me. I know it sounds like I'm being cheeky, but I'm serious too; it was like stepping into the Twilight Zone. I quickly made my retreat once I'd finally been handed my fix.
That was perhaps the last notable experience on my journey. Every time I felt close to Dallas, I'd pass a mile marker that told me otherwise, and by the time I actually arrived at my destination, I was slightly grumpy and a little stir crazy, but I was there, and that's really all that mattered. Needless to say, when people try and convince you that the trip across Texas is a long-ass-haul...believe them.
I've learned, over the course of my adventure, that Northeastern Californians give the Arizonans some heavy competition for religious zealotry; that mariachi music is much less enjoyable than I'd remembered; that I underestimate my ability to sleep in ridiculous positions and that there really is, on occassion, such a thing as, "too much 80's music." I reserve the right to modify these opinions at some point in the future, however, I think that one thing will never change: just like camping in a proper tent and sleeping bag, I was not blessed with the constitution for road-trips. Next time? I ship my belongings and fly in a plane.
The end. Thank G-d.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Day 4: Pheonix, rising.
Derailed by thoughts of cults...2nd to last Travel Entry.
Ok, ok, I'll finish this, already. I appreciate all the encouragement -- mostly in the form of "hurry the hell up, I want more funny!" from Marianna, but still, it's nice. It's just that now that I'm here, I've lost a bit of motivation in finishing the tale of my trip. There are no more aggravating hotel billing policies, no more dirty motel bathrooms, no rapidly changing speed limits or idiots who don't know what it means to use the left lane for passing only...still plenty of crackhead drivers out there, but I'm inside so what do I care? I'm no where near the disaster that is Vegas or the Stepford communities of Redding, California; and even though I may be in closer physical proximity to lots and lots of Christers, no one has come to the door offering communion and even if they did, I'm inside...on the right side of the door, so...you see where this is going.
I just have so many more important things to do than write my last travel note for your amusement (Marianna)...like sleeping in til 11, and catching up with Dexter, Grey's, House, Fringe and I mentioned Dexter, right?? There's been football...loads and loads of football...some drawing and writing of another sort, taking the girls out for MORE football...naps and a meal here or there. You see? It isn't personal.
Now that I'm "home," I've taken great effort in relaxing properly, even if Thanksgiving festivities ARE screwing that up for the time being-- mostly I have managed to chill. I've had not nearly my fill of televised UEFA football, but I charge on in that regard and am determined to stay abreast of all the latest developments. Especially, the upcoming USA World Cup 2022 bid. More on that in another note though. I've thought quite a bit about jumping back into my book and every single time, Dexter is on...so what can I do? I watch because I'm loyal. I could stop if I wanted to...maybe that's another note, also?
Anyway, I promised a conclusion to my trip, so here goes...
After leaving Vegas, otherwise known as the 5th level of Hell, I headed east for Arizona. I made pretty decent time, reaching Sedona right as the sun was setting. However, because of a traffic clog up heading into Flagstaff, I didn't actually make it INTO the canyon until AFTER sunset. What are the chances?? If you're me, apparently very, very high. I was pretty pissed. Even in the dark, Sedona is awe-inspiring and majestic, but none of my pictures turned out well enough to tell.
On my drive out I somehow missed the turn off onto the main highway and ended up someplace between Cottonwood and Prescott - nowhere near the 17, which is what I needed to get on my way. I had to back track into tiny Cottonwood, stop at a wine bar where the six patrons were playing Magic whilst sipping red wine, and get directions from the owner who told me how to get back to the highway. It was actually a cute little pit-stop, had I not been annoyed about being lost.
I ended up getting a room in the Premier Inn, once I got to Phoenix. "Premier," I've since discovered, is Arizona speak for "Crap". Interesting, that. My wherewithal to sleep it out in the Jeep diminished more and more every night that I slept in a real bed, and as Phoenix is laid out like any other normal, rationally planned city would be, I quickly found a grocery and bought myself some soy ice cream. I deserved it. But who knew they had soy ice cream in Arizona?? I was thrilled.
Waking up in Phoenix, it was warm for the first time. And, I didn't even have to sacrifice any road kill to the temperamental weather gods that tried to swallow me up in Washington, Oregon, Northern California and Nevada! What a nice change, even if I did have to get back in my Jeep, with it's minute amount of space and sinus drying air conditioning, and keep driving. I was warm, and warm, for me, is happy. Come to think of it, so is slightly drunk, but clearly those can't go together, so I made do with warm.
There really wasn't much to see after Phoenix, though I did run into the next bunch of Jesusville signs leaving Arizona. I managed to avoid any run-ins with the culty sheep of the FLDS, which was a relief; but it still felt a bit creepy driving through areas that looked so normal but which I knew were over run with polygamous, brainwashing child-abusers. Quite similar to the feeling of driving a mere 80 metres from prisons --which by the way, are a dime a dozen in the desert. I've decided that makes a lot of sense. Too bad the government can't be bothered much to redirect FLDS leadership (and the like) to those same desert prisons.
Occasionally, I'd pass something picturesque, but mostly it was a lotta nuthin'. I reached El Paso by about 8:30p and had to immediately go and fill a prescription at the local 24hour Walgreens. Initially, the pharmacy tech tried to tell me I'd have to wait 'til morning to retrieve it, but sometime between me pulling out my mobile to call my Seattle pharmacy myself while waiting at his counter, and sharing a few choice words that I think included "bullshit" and "CVS," he realised he'd been confused and that it would take a mere hour instead.
I'm feeling that there is a distinct lack of funny in this note so, I think I'll close and try to finish the rest tomorrow. Maybe thinking less about the culty culture behind some of Arizona's counties will be more humourously inspiring? Ciaocito, amici mia...
I'm re-posting this here, via my facebook because I thought it was fun.It also makes me feel good to think you might look at it and consider me reasonably well-read. ;)
Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here.
Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt. Tag other book nerds. Tag me as well so I can see your responses!
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House- Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited- Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma -Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov <--I HATE THIS BOOK, for the record.
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno - Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
56 read
20 started
76 total
Day 3, unabridged.
Beauty, speeding and urban clusterf*cks...Otherwise known as the last 3 days in the "Adventures of Eli"
I wish I had written this two days ago when things were so fresh in my mind, but after pushing myself to reach Dallas in 3 days, I got sick, and cranky, and over tired, and I just didn't want to write...or drive, but clearly THAT wasn't an option.
So, today's update will probably be lackluster and short...ok, let's face it, nothing I write is EVER short, but lackluster, well, what can I say? Decide for yourselves.
Wednesday morning, I already mentioned, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise; one I saw from the front seat of my jeep which, by the way, is the only space in my car not taken up by my precious possessions and some other crap. Despite the crazy driving I did to get to the southeast side of Northern California, and in spite of the claustrophobic pretzel position I slept in, I woke up feeling great and ready to tackle the day. Waking up feeling great generally doesn't happen to me so, I took it as a good sign and started to think maybe I was a badass traveler afterall.
Driving through Tahoe was spectacular, which is saying something coming from a girl who has lived much of her life in a place painted in beautiful greens and blues; with massive Volcanoes, capped in snow, sleeping peacefully in front of glistening lakes and tributaries that remind one of Pompeii...well, prior to the lava, ash and decimation; but it's on that scale of spectacular. The rain? We can talk about the rain another day...since it has nothing in common with my Pompeii analogy, and this is my note and my rules.
Out of sheer determination...I seem to have a stubborn streak that can't be squelched...I refused to stop until I'd reached Vegas. I took my time through Tahoe, but once I hit the open road I enjoyed an average speed of about 90mph which, if you're wondering, is really, really FUN. But here's the thing: I don't like driving. I like to get where I'm going as quickly as possible and get off the road. However, I also dislike tickets. After careful consideration a long time ago, I came up with a philosophy to cover both bases: When in Rome, do as Romans do. Come to think about it, maybe I wasn't the one who came up with that philosophy...but, in short, I watch what everyone else is doing and follow their lead. In high school, we called it "tagging". You pick a car that's going fast, and is also in front of you, and follow it's lead. That way, if someone's going to caught in a speed trap it'll be the guy you're following. Anyway, that to say, everyone else was going way faster than I was and, up until I reached Death Valley, the highway had been long and flat and easily maneuverable so it felt safe-ish. Once I hit the twists and turns of Death Valley, I had to re-evaluate my technique...also, my Jeep isn't so efficient over 90 with 4 tons of books in the back...
My only disappointment was not being able to drive through Death Valley in the daytime. Not that it wasn't an adrenaline rush trying to make it through DV in the dark, but I was looking forward to taking pictures and enjoying the vastness of what looks like a lot of nothing until you get up close. Even in the dark though, it's still pretty intense. It was also the first chance I had to really enjoy the stars. If my car roof hadn't been covered in dirt and pitch from home and travel, I would have climbed up on top and indulged my love of stars...but I didn't want to get dirty. I guess I could've laid down in the road to do some star gazing, but the desert, already being intense, is also pretty creepy when you're there by yourself.
Had I realised just how long it would take me to get through Death Valley and on into Vegas, I probably would have come up with an alternative. But, that stubborn thing, being what it is, I pushed my way through Day 3 even though it meant stress on my cold ridden (still not sure whom to thank for that...) body which was already angry after being in one position for so damn long, ridiculously over-priced gas mid-desert ($5/gallon! I felt violated,) and more crazy sleep deprivation which, on a good day, anyone can tell you, does a number on me. I was pretty exhausted by the time I finally reached a tolerable hotel, and not very happy about it.
The worst part about my jaunt to Vegas though, was Vegas itself. I know what they say...it's the city that never sleeps, where people come to see vastly over-priced shows (even putting Manhattan to shame,) to gamble away junior's college fund and...well, they DO call it "Sin-city"...with "sin" being a euphemism for fun of a sometimes sordid sort. But, seriously? Who the hell designed that clusterf*ck?!? I felt like I was driving through a life-sized version of a 5 year old's Simcity or Lego town. I suppose it makes sense in a jejune way...but when did school children start designing urban landscape? Utterly annoying. Trying to find a Starbucks was like looking for a needle in a stack of other needles...and then fighting the inane road construction (for which I never saw a single ACTUAL contractor or giant contracting machine in action) that left mile long, single file back ups on what COULD be 4 lane (8 if you count both directions) roads, drove me mad; pardon the pun. I'll never go back. Not even for the cheap buffets.
On my way out of Vegas though, it was as if beauty herself beckoned: Lake Mead is the ONLY redeemable portion of greater Las Vegas. See picture above. Cheers, kids...
Day 3
Road Trip Epiphanies...
1.) Having a bad accommodations experience at the beginning of one's journey does NOT decrease one's odds at having another one, 18 hours later.
2.) Going 95mph on a long, flat, dark road is F. U. N.
3.) Going 95mph down a long, twisty-turny road is SCARY...until you finish the stretch and realise what you've survived. Then you want to do it again.
4.) There are no Highway Patrolmen in the South that actually patrol the highway. I've seen their cruisers...pulling out of Starbucks, Fatburger and occassionally on random city streets; but have yet to see one ACTUALLY on a highway since I left Southern Oregon.
5.) A distinct lack of polizia on the 40 coming from Vegas encourages speeding, and dare I say the population does a better job of policing itself? There is a very polite, and FOLLOWED system of passing/speeding etiquette that allows for pleasant, and pleasantly FAST cruising. All while not pissing off the guy behind, beside or in front of you.
6.) Sedona is best viewed during the day. Trying to experience it at night is maddening. No, really, it pissed me off.
7.) I clearly have an absolutely worthless concept of time because I am 2 days late arriving at my destination.
8.) I don't really enjoy road trips.
9.) Vegas was designed by 5 year olds just figuring out how to group units of the same together. Restaurants? How about we put those in the South area of the city? Hotels? Strip. Cheap motels? FARRRRRRRRRRRRR, far away near the freeway and on the opposite side of town as every eatery. There is no logic to it; there is construction all over, turning main thoroughfare into one lane stretches of vehicles and though I can see it was someone's intention to make Vegas fun for all...to me it will always remain a clusterf*ck worth staying far, far away from.
10.) Like camping, road trips are an offensive assault to my sensitive constitution. I didn't mind driving in, now someone, please helicopter me out.
I'll try to write something meaningful tomorrow. I am two days behind. But, I'm also sick. And I don't handle regular people sick so well. Cheers and love to all back "home".